- missing -

You can't miss what you've never known...
Read that somewhere a long time ago, and it came floating into my thoughts a while ago when i wasn't too happy with life. About two weeks ago. A very urgent question, these days in Holland what with all the Sinterklaas-shopping, and trying to keep the kids upbringing on some sort of level. They can be kept 'innocent' by just not giving them too much, which - as i saw from fairly close by - is very sad to witness when they do get loads of things. It's like their joy for little things just vanished. It is quite easy to refrain form it when your budget is minimal...

But what if you're past the Santa-phase in life? How can you keep yourself 'innocent'? Bit tricky when you inevitably experience stuff, either unhappy (which you wouldn't want to remember), or the fun, beautiful, pleasant, breathtaking things and people that come back to haunt you in times of 'scarcity'. Of course there's people (like Other Half) who are very grown up about this, know that the past is what it is, and better left alone, that the 'Now' is groovy too. But i'm not that grown up - I can long back for times and people from the past with a passion which is so frighteningly frustrating, depressing and astounding at the same time...

Is there so much missing in my life then? Am I so focussed on fulfilling desire, like all my Buddhist books are telling me? Of course i know that life can't just be fun, that work needs doing, mouths need feeding, little people raised to be lovely big ones, and that my sad, local problems will have to be shelved until a more suitable time... The now can be earth shatteringly great, and i make sure i enjoy it. But the now van also be earth-shatteringly dull...

So i keep my thoughts about other times and possibilities for more suitable times in the day, when i disappear into a world of passions and adventure, seeing pretty vista's, meeting people from way back when, enjoying feelings that have been shoved into the fridge for far too long...

Maybe, one day...