In the 'artists'-rehabilitation-process-book' which i'm ploughing through at the moment (this one) i've come to the chapter of shame, which is part of the Anger-block. And it touched a raw nerve... Shame is apparently one of the main things that can cause an up and coming artist (or a dabbler like me) to freeze, or cringe from fear, makes that the brushes stay neatly in their pot, leaves materials nicely folded in their basket of the manuscript unread in the drawer they were put in. Because the message given from an early age - You ought to be ashamed of yourself for being so selfish; for feeling so angry; for embarrassing me like that; for writing such filth; for feeling those disgusting things!!! - has been rammed in there like a stake and won't be removed by sheer talent or idle dreaming. One needs more for that. Writing about it, for instance... Opening up that nerve, exposing it to the world, treating it. Just like you would with an inflamed wound.
Which is not easy, of course. My feelings of shame have been there for 40 years, passed on by people who've had it for even longer, carried on by a society that has thought of a few more, nursing the old ones or making you feel like a dud for still feeling the ones you do...
What makes me feel ashamed? Yeah, right...
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